We all love an underdog or a dark horse. Someone who – despite all the odds placed against them – manages to achieve their dreams of success by working hard and are chock-full with fairness and charm. Think of Rocky Balboa, Katniss Everdeen and Bridget Jones, we love those guys! Fictional success stories always manage to capture an audience’s love and admiration. Still, it’s a bit different in reality – in fact, we’re known to be a bit resentful and critical of other people’s real-life successes.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and even the best of us get a little green-eyed every now and then. But why do we hold such a bitter regard for our successful peers? We can link this back to the Australian and New Zealand identity of a ‘battler’, (AKA, a working-class person who works hard enough to just survive) which has given way to the ‘tall poppy’ syndrome. This refers to a tendency to criticise, resent and ‘cut down’ someone who rises up above the rest, which is something distinctive to Australia’s and New Zealand’s egalitarian identity and values. We’ve jotted down a few tips to help get over this harmful way of thinking, and why someone else’s successes don’t have to diminish our own.

REFLECT ON WHY YOU FEEL THIS WAY In most cases, envy is only a surface-based emotion that is covering up something a lot deeper, which is why it’s important to look within and ask yourself why you feel this way. If one of your co-workers is getting praised for something and you start to feel resentful, is it because you haven’t been recognised for your work in a while? If your friend lands an ace job and you immediately feel resentful, is it because you feel unfulfilled in your current career? Unpacking why you feel this way towards others can help shift the focus back onto you, helping to sort out what is and isn’t working in your life.

APOLOGISE TO PEOPLE YOU’VE HURT We shouldn’t really have to tell you why it’s important to say sorry, but we also get that admitting one’s faults and making amends can be incredibly difficult and humbling. In simple terms, apologising is great because it can bring an end to conflict and bring people even closer together – how nice is that? No one is safe from dealing with some pretty uncomfortable conversations (it’s just a fact of life), but the only way to make things right is to talk to the person you might have hurt and apologise for your actions. Here’s a tip: try to avoid including excuses for your behaviour, and be specific.

TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS Locking up all negative emotions and thoughts is never a good idea, especially since they only build and grow even more prominent over time. Talking to mates, family or a professional about your jealousy and resentment is an ace way to get through tall poppy syndrome, since you can break down exactly what it is you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Plus, you might even find out who you’re talking to feels the same way as you do, which can help make you feel much less alone.

DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF TOO HARSHLY Listen, hardly anyone ever wants to admit their own jealousy, especially when it can reveal your own shortcomings or lack of professional success. But, as we stated before, jealousy is a normal human emotion that literally everyone experiences every now and then. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling – even when it’s not positive. Jealousy can help us understand more about ourselves; what we want in life and what we value, and it can help us deal with any unresolved tension in our lives.