Lately as I’ve been mindlessly scrolling Instagram on my phone, I’ve been asking myself… Am I enjoying this? Is this making me feel good? Often, the answer is a resounding no. But that doesn’t stop me coming back for more, because heaven forbid I have to sit and experience a pure unadulterated thought. 

My phone is by my side when I eat, sleep and work. It’s there when I feel bored or awkward. But I don’t want to keep relying on my phone to feel safe and comfortable. I don’t want to get sucked in to algorithms and addictive traps set by companies that profit from my time and attention. So I set myself the challenge of using a dumb phone for seven days. I bought a Telstra Lite 3 from a guy off Gumtree (we met in the 7-Eleven car park at 9 pm, for the most suss phone purchase of all time). And let me tell you, the phone is true to its name. No internet. A 1.3 MP camera that takes photos so pixelated they might as well be cross-stitched. It does, however, have a radio, so I shan’t complain too much.

DAY 1
I woke up at 8 am to the monophonic alarm of the TL3. I’m in the habit of scrolling my phone first thing, so I navigated the menu, searching for entertainment. I found nothing. Not even Snake. I put the phone down and lay in bed for about 15 minutes, having existential and nonsensical thoughts. 

I got carried away in this fugue state, then realised I was running late to meet my stepmum to go shopping. I felt a bit naked leaving the house without my iPhone. I had to rush back into the house to find my bank card, which I hadn’t used in about a year.

In one of the shops we went to, I pulled out the brick (which I will remind you has no internet) with the intention of Shazaming a song, and my stepmum laughed at me. Later, I pulled it out again, to google something. I think I need to start carrying around a pen and paper to take notes of stuff to look up later.

When I got home, my mum surprised me with four baby chickens and put me in charge of their care (in a likely attempt to encourage my maternal instincts). Their names are Minnie, Mango, Tofu and Houdini, and I love them. I have no need for a smartphone anymore. I have no need for anything. I can simply gaze at these heavenly creatures until the end of time.

DAY 2 
Again, I awoke and had about 10 minutes of rambling thoughts. I remembered the first phone I ever had. I was in year 5, and it was the Motorola Coca-Cola phone (give it a Google and you’ll see why I was the talk of the school).

I received a few text messages on the brick today, and my replies looked like the emails I get from my grandpa (“hEY ! TYPINGOn New Phone Sorrystillgettingused To IT”). I’d rather communicate by carrier pigeon.

This evening, I went to an AFL game with my dad and (other) stepmum. During the intervals, I wished I had my smartphone to entertain myself with. Instead, I took some photos that did absolutely nothing to convey the bustling atmosphere of 35,000 people in a stadium. 

My dad joked that I’m basically living like him for a week. He’s an analog kinda guy – types with two fingers, watches DVDs, has a phone from 2010, that sort of thing. I told him I’m concerned about navigating without a GPS, and he recommended whereis.com. He said he writes himself a list of directions and puts it on the dashboard. I’m surprised he ever gave up his street directory.

DAY 3
Today was a bit of a write-off. I had a PMS migraine and spent most of the day on the couch, watching movies and cuddling the chicks. I googled “can I order uber eats on my laptop”, discovered that I could, and ordered a burger and chips.

I think my chicks are giving me an unfair advantage in this challenge. Whenever I want to scroll Instagram, I just pick up one of the chicks instead. 

DAY 4
On my lunch break, I went to the Japanese place across the road. Usually I’d watch a show on YouTube while I ate. But I was forced to just sit there, paying attention to my food. I noticed that I ate less than I usually would, because I was present enough to notice the second I felt full.

After work, I went for a walk. I could have listened to the radio with the brick’s corded earphones, but I decided to leave the phone at home. It was nice hearing the sounds of the streets and the people around me.

DAY 5
I got my period this morning. I felt crampy and sick and just wanted to sit and scroll my phone on the toilet, and then in bed. Instead, I cuddled the chicks, cleaned their brooder and had a nap.

Confession: I ended up using my iPhone today. Briefly. I’m an anxious new chick parent, and I wanted to send a photo of Minnie (who is smaller than the other chicks) and her runny poos to the breeder for some advice. I tried taking a photo with the fossil phone, but it just didn’t cut it. The breeder needed to see this crap in HD. So I sent her a few photos from my iPhone. It was official chick business only.

DAY 6
At 10am I had an appointment at a clinic I’ve never been to before. Yep, I had to crack out whereis.com and write myself some directions (Dad was right; this website is superior to Google Maps). I felt a bit awkward driving around, manically scrutinising a piece of paper and looking for street signs. And I may have swerved slightly when the piece of paper almost flew out the window. But I got there in one piece! I’m an independent woman! I don’t need no robot GPS telling me what to do!

I wanted to text a friend today, but I couldn’t be bothered to type it out on the fossil. So I called her (an extremely rare event for me) and we had a really nice catch-up. It made me think I need to call my friends more often. 

DAY 7
I made it! This morning I worked in a cafe. I forgot that I wouldn’t have the ability to hotspot, so I wrote in my laptop’s Notes app. I also jotted down things to search later in my real notebook. As I drank my chai, I scrolled through the photos I’d taken this week on the fossil phone and had a good chuckle.

I was hoping to get a bit loose with my friends tonight, but realised I wouldn’t be able to Uber home so I ended up driving and only having one drink. Although this is probably healthier, I was a bit disappointed. After a week of PMS and newfound chick parenthood I was craving a few cocktails.

I told my friends that I felt embarrassed pulling this phone out in public, but they said it makes me look mysterious.

This week has been inconvenient and uncomfortable, but life feels simpler with a dumb phone. More mindful. I’m not constantly looking at what everyone else is doing and comparing myself. I’m not constantly responding to messages on five different platforms. There’s not something next to me, beeping and booping for my attention. 

My screentime is down 50 per cent, and I’d like to keep it that way. So I’m going to keep using the fossil for a while longer. For anyone else wanting to try dumb phone life, I highly recommend adopting some chicks. If you need any parenting advice, you can reach me via carrier pigeon. Direct it to the mysterious redhead with the dumb phone.

This article was featured in frankie feel-good volume four. To get your mitts on a copy, swing past the frankie shop, subscribe or visit one of our lovely stockists.