V2 PLANT-BASED SAUSAGE – CLASSIC BRITISH I began my meat-free mission with ‘Traditional English Sausages’, which I naturally used to make Chicago-style hotdogs, as I’d never pass up an opportunity to disrespect the English. After a quick pan-fry, I remembered that the best way to cook a vegan sausage is to bake it, because no matter what, chunks will always stick to the pan (I may or may not also be an idiot, so the results are inconclusive). The sausage itself was tasty, and was naturally enhanced by the pickle relish, mustard and celery salt that are key to a Chicagog (fun new nickname I just invented). The great thing about bangers is that you never really know what’s in them, and the same goes for this vegan version. But sausages bring out the best in us – no one’s angry with a snag in hand – so who am I to give anything but praise? FH

MELIORA PLANT-BASED TURKEY-STYLE SLICES Ten years ago, I became really into fitness and carried hard-boiled eggs in my bag while talking obnoxiously about the benefits of waking at 5am. One of my staple snacks was turkey slices, which I’d eat from the packet in front of the fridge like a deranged malnourished person who’d been lost in the desert and managed to crawl home. It’s fair to say there are many issues with that behaviour, but the turkey itself was never a problem. These ‘turkey-style’ slices, however, are another matter. I wish I could describe them as edible, but truthfully, they are drier than the aforementioned fantasy desert and have an aftertaste of ‘essence of cardboard’. In their defence, they were most likely designed to go in a sandwich, and not grabbed by the fist of a hungry, lazy woman. Perhaps I’ll try them with the leftovers, or perhaps I’ll donate them to a pigeon. DF

NATURLI MINCED I love the ambiguity of mince; it has no agenda, no end goal. It’s just there to put in things; an old reliable friend. Obviously, to test a mince you HAVE to make lasagne, but that seemed like too much effort, so I opted for spaghetti . (Choice of pasta is also paramount when it comes to an authentic bolognese and I, never one to stray from tradition, opted for fettuccine.) I have to say straight-up: this was as good as a real meat sauce, which is surprising, but I guess really shouldn’t be. People have been working on meat alternatives for a long time, and honestly, this vegan mince option is probably the best you could start with, should you cook it in a thick and rich tomato, garlic, onion and basil sauce. Also, be liberal with the cheese – vegan or otherwise. I’m calling this a Triumph of Cuisine. FH

FRY’S RICE PROTEIN AND CHIA NUGGETS Like many people aged between two and 82, my ears prick up with delight upon hearing the word ‘nugget’. Like fairy bread or cordial, nuggets are mistakenly pigeonholed as children’s food a lot of the time. This is a profound injustice because who among us doesn’t enjoy a crispy, savoury treat, perfectly sized to eat on the go? These crumbed treaties tick all the boxes a nugget should tick: crunchy, bite-sized, moreish. The filling of a nugget is inconsequential – it’s the texture and sauce-dipping we’re after – so meat-lovers will still enjoy these plant-based delights. Truthfully, my zest for nuggets is so strong, these could have been filled with sawdust and rodent offcuts and I’d still have chowed down with the same level of frankly disgusting gusto. My body thanks the manufacturers for choosing rice protein and chia instead. DF

To read the rest of these reviews, pick up a copy of issue 112 by swinging past the frankie shop or visiting one of our lovely stockists.